Its a new Blog

At last dad has pulled his finger out and uploaded my new blog.

This will be a "life blog", and will allow me to keep my friends in Spain and England up to date with my antics where ever I am. It will only be updated about every week, so subscribe to e.mail update notification.

You can also add a comment to each update, just click the tiny comment link at the bottom of each entry. This will allow you to inter react with my blog, more fun .

Hope you enjoy my life

Click here to go to the new blog
http://hunkyleo.blogspot.com/

Well its almost over !

This where we want to be !!!!

My Autumnal adventure is coming to a close. We have just returned to Priscilla after a busy morning. I went to see my French Doctor to get my passport business done. It was OK but you all know how I hate going to the Veterinary, and what made it worse was our appointment was 1015, but she was busy operating on some poor thing, and I had to wait over 30 mins before I got done. But then we did all go for lunch at a small restaurant right on the marina. Of course it was not the first place we looked at, dads were reading all the menus outside each place. They had noticed a very nice hotel/restaurant they think could be new, as they cannot remember it from the last 4 visits. L'Absinthe with very nice laid tables, BUT reading the menu made them stutter. Apparently a thin slice of apple tart was €14 (all deserts same price) A starter of Foie Gras was €33 (back in Isla Plana at Restaurant Costa Mar its €5 and is delightfully served with 3 relishes including a violet gel. So needless to say we did not eat there, we walked and found a little place (quite busy) and sat outside (as its France and Feb we had a nice gas heater next to us) Guy had a hand made burger, and was delighted it was a good as the ones he has with Robert & Geoff in Marseillian (EXCEPT he had to have green salad as they did not do fries - thought he going to have a seizure !!) I got some of it as well as some of Alan's warm herbed camembert salad. There was I noticed a bit of face pulling when they tasted the carafe of wine **!!/??@@* splutter (but you guessed it they drank it !)

So they have decided each time we return to UK it will be BIG shop in Spain as its much cheaper they say. Booze (what else is 50% cheaper for the same brand, and the wine they used to buy for €5.40 is €7.90 here so that's that. Alan did say that the one thing Spain does not do is the fine food stuff he uses, so they will deli shop in France on the last day.

So its nearly at an end, WHAT an adventure, nearly 5 months and seems but weeks. We have so many new friends and mates, a new house (nearly) and a new routine that will see us being in the sun all year (well what we get in UK). Its also the end of Priscilla our adventure friend, she's already on the market, I hope they find someone nice to take her on, she's given us the chance for so much fun over the past three years, and she's a bright and smart as when we first set off on the first trip.

As for this autumnal adventure well I hope you agree we have done, seen, and lived some fine experiences. I have lost count of the number of dogs I have met and sniffed from so many nationalities. There are many little things I remember that I forgot to put in the blog at the time, like meeting a Bernesse Mountain "Mr & Mrs" out of the blue walking along the paseo one lunch time, Mrs gave me a nice sniffing but he growled and made it clear to stay clear - Nice just being friendly.......I think they were a bit rough.....but never mind their loss !!!


Well dont look at me then !!

Yes I am better looking than your bloke !

Yesterday was just 350km so we were not too knackered, but dads did have a laugh while having lunch at a service station (without me !!) Apparently Guy picked a one glass bottle of wine to have with his Lasagnes, as Alan drives that's ok. At the till he was told he could only have the glass of wine if he bought a desert !! (this is France - wine !) so it went back on the shelf, even the French lady next in the queue wanted one and she was told no. Then they noticed trough the glass wall into the shop next door they sold regional wine by as many bottles as you like !! So there a rule well thought out !! So you cannot smoke in France and now you cannot drink the national drink !! (Cannot wait to get back to Spain !)

They say travel broadens your knowledge. Well you will remember we mentioned the trees in France that have what looks like pom poms in them (I put a picture on showing them ) well we now know what it is. When I went walking yesterday there was a huge bit broken off a tree and most of it was one of these balls. As I cocked my leg up to pee on it I was told it was mistletoe (apparently used for kissing !!!) so now we know what the millions of balls in the trees are .....

Its so cold and grey, grey, grey, the last time we saw sun was as we went from Spain into France, since then thick cloud, drizzle, and COLD, we all want to be back in SPAIN, and to add insult, dads are struggling to make Ice for the nightcaps, finding on sale in France is proving difficult - shame in'it...

So first thing in the morning will be go over the River Seine as it goes into the sea (I Know Guy will have his eyes closed as we get ever higher on pont de Normandy, and then down the motorway to the train in the tunnel, then on the other side of the road to Lincolnshire...........The End

(well maybe not - come back in a couple of days when we have got back - cus coming soon "The Life of Leopold" )

A sad farewell

We were so sad to depart for our return to UK. Making it worse its a grey, cloudy day and before long there is monsoon rain in Spain. It only lasts about 30 mins as we drive north but it slows us down a bit.

 

Ahead of us is 830 km the distance from Isla Plana to the Spanish border, then 1000km to get to the French Coast and our train home, and we don't want to go............... But we have to, so its the first step, 510 km to the campsite at L'Ametlla, South of Barcelona, we have had many a stop here, but as elsewhere I am in the hands of my dads, looking out for me. And again my walk is shorter because of the bloody caterpillars, there and the path down to the beach, and the wood walk around the headland. So I have to play it safe, dads say it would be really bad for me if I get gotten by one of these critters, even lose part of my tongue or a paw, so it's good I have them looking out for me.

 

I am sitting at the PC pawing this blog, but I am told it may not get to my readers and friends for a few days, as the Spanish dongle is empty (what ever that means!) and the sites we are at have the usual wifi saga "yes we have Internet BUT its not working !!" So if this is stale news by the time you read it IT'S NOT MY FAULT !

 

We have such a long journey to do in the shortest time, so Alan has notched up the speed a bit, but we do take a slight detour off the motorway so they can have a McDonalds lunch (Alan is desperate for his last El Mac - the best beef pate burger he's had) its just 20km looped of the main road. When he gets there his face is like a smacked arse ! They have ended the El Mac promotion, he has to have something he did not want !! and add to that, a guy in the street tells them a brake light is not working !!

 

We continue our journey in almost total silence, just thinking about being back on the Costa Colida with our friends. I am missing my cream and biscuits at El Muelle with Julie, my custard creams with Pat and Dave, and I miss my Mate Jake the black Labrador, his dad Clive and Rachel, and Caroline & Ken. Barney and his Mum and dad, Liz and Dave, also Gwen my new mate, its seems daft to be leaving BUT WE HAVE TOO.

 

I am trying a new way to travel (don't know why I have not done this before !) its on the bed looking out the back window. It can be a bit bouncy, but I can stretch out, its comfy, and I can stick my tongue out at the drivers behind us, its makes them smile, particularly when I have the curtain over my head like a veil...

 

Then its on to the border, the wind is getting stronger as we get to see the snow capped Pyrenean mountains. We have 550 km to do to get to our site south of Toulouse. We are back in our friends area of France, Robert and Geoff, but they are in the Uk at moment so I cannot catch up with them and lick Geoff's feet !! Just have to wait...  One thing at least the weather is better its sunny, the snow looks so bright. One route for us would be to go through Andorra, but no Mountains or snow chains, we will go via Narbonne.

 

I have forgot to total the tolls, we are paying, and they have not been making a note so I cannot update you accurately, all they say its over €50 and getting more expensive.

 

I am so bored being cooped up in Priscilla, missing my 4 walks a day, just a quick sniff and pee at service stations and Aires.

 

We arrive at our site for the night, and there are 2 huge Pyrenean mountain dogs (well its where they come from, local guys !) in the field next to us. They are real sheep dogs, and dads tell me they are getting a bad name. The working dogs have been known to attack hill and mountain walkers, so I will keep my distance (and they are behind the fence !!). We are the only people on site, and we are in a very pretty area, with a babbling stream for me to have a walk along.

 

I was not going to start this, BUT Tom Tom was taken from his coffin, and his power cable was stuffed up his rear, and he came to life. He was to be the back up for the end of the days journey. BUT to form he added 45 mins to our trip. Through narrow roads in villages, across a single track bridge (that Priscilla had to breath in to get over !), then through more tiny villages, and then we came out back on the main road we had been on !!! can you imagine the words that came out, I had to turn away and blush !!. I think his time in this world is coming to an end, it's time for maps they say, its less stressful and more accurate, as long as they don't expect me to do the map reading !!

 

Its Sunday and we are off again for 570 km up the motorway, and I am more bored than ever (dads are not chatty so I think they are to) Its such a grim day too, the skies are so dark it looks like 6pm and its midday. The road goes on and on, we are heading towards Tours, for our overnight. Cruise control set 100 kmh we just pass by ever changing scenery, all seen in the gloom of the mist and cloud, over 6 hours trundling along. Again the site is in beautiful settings in rural France, the Site is Camping de la Touche, and the English owners are very nice.

 

Tomorrow off to Honfluer, and I know that place its where I have to see my nice Vet to get my passport sorted, I will let you know how I get on in my update. I have also been remembering things I have forgotten to tell you and pics not yet uploaded, so as soon as we have proper internet I will fill you in !

 

Leopold

The guns of Mazarron

Me trying to be a spot on the cow rug


Its so nice being at home with my dads

Well we are still here.......most days now it's 20-24 deg, and it makes me pant a bit. But panting is better than shivering, so we like the sun.

It's still manana, it's still Spain. Dads are still doing things with the Bank here, and wait endlessly for phone calls, but just shrug when they don't get the call. Its just getting a bit frantic, as we are set to leave for our return journey next Friday (I just cannot wait to spend time crushed in Priscilla !!! - but dads keep reminding me of the pleasures of Lincolnshire when we get there !!)

But life here is just fine. the bar over the road, my cream brought to me by Julie at my favourite bar (and I am going out to dinner with her next Monday - cannot wait). Meals out in the sun, and we meet up with our mates on the camp site every other day or so. And there is no shortage of my fans when I go into town, I have lost count of how many people now know me, and have all my details.

My mate Max, Guys son was here last weekend for a visit, and we had a good time showing him around. Although I did not get to go to some of the restaurants with them. Since he returned home we have been continuing investigating new areas around here. About 15 mins down the road we found a fantastic spectacular area. Through a beautiful Campo, just a perfect little plain between the mountains. Then up the windy road until we came to original old buildings many of which had been used in the last war for huge gun station. We have only done half of the area yet, as Guy was doing well with his height problem, and I was whisked back to the Popemobile, when they found the area had lots of those lethal caterpillars I told you about in the last blog. They live in pine trees, and start coming out of the silk balls in the trees at this time of the year. They were over the road, and on the walls, so I was escorted back to safety, and they went off to take some more pics, I got to snooze, they had parked the car in a nice shady area.

A beautiful secluded beach we found

What fantastic views ! (pity about the caterpillars !)

Last weekend we had a great party at the new house, all my mates from the site, as well as Julie came, and everyone was laughing uncontrollably, so that's normal then !!

The perfect secluded (isolated) house !!

My walks get more colourful every day, there are flowers everywhere, and as it credit crunch time Alan as been picking wild flowers, instead of buying them. They look good don't they ?

Last night we were late having dinner, and they had to dash to the shops to get candles. The builders were upgrading main electrics, so we had no power all afternoon, and, at 4pm they said half hour. An hour later it would be another hour, then another, then 15 mins. So we had candles to drink in until about 7.30. Then Alan started cooking a Chinese dinner (How mad can you get - its only €10 to go to the Chinese buffet and eat as much as you like....you don't cook, and you DON'T wash up... will they ever learn ?

One of the two big guns of Mazarron, must have made a big bang when fired ..... NO NOT DAD !!

I have told them to put no more sunset pictures on my blog. We have a different sky every evening and its getting boring looking at them, its just part of this perfect place !!

Its the last sunset !!

Then there was the Moroccan work man that was sent to our house and made dads amazed. They had taken a snagging list to the developers office and saw Lindsey. There were about 10 things on the list, electrics, smells in bathroom and other plumbing, and some kitchen things. Lindsey got on phone, the carpenter turned up and sorted his things then the Moroccan man can and after a few hours all the things had been done and he had also touched up the painted walls in most rooms (they could not stop him doing things !), so they were gob smacked !! ( after 7 years in our London home we still have things on the snagging list - but its is Spain !) They were putting yellow zebra crossings on our road today, the fact the road is covered in rubble, dust and its not the finished surface, they can to spray the paint down. The crossings don't go anywhere either cus, they haven't built the other side of the road yet !!

Another great view !

This is the next bit we have to get too, when we return to finish the tour

Anyway enough of my life, I know you just want the jokes. I have been sent these by mates, so if you find the unfunny or heard them its not my fault..........

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get
another dog"?

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them
away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a
pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just
think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff

-------------

A very loud, fat, greasy, unattractive, chav type woman wearing a Newcastle United top walked into ASDA in Sunderland with her two umpalumpa kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly "Good morning Madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance ?"

The ugly fat woman stopped yelling long enough to say "Whye na, they're not twins yer idiot. The oldest one's 9 the other one's 7. Why the ell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick, stupid or just a cheese eater?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam" replied the greeter, " I just couldn't believe you've been sha***d twice "

-----------------

"What is black and white and red all over? A self harming nun with a machete"
----------------

"When a woman is dancing, what part of her body should not move? Her bowls!"

-----------------

Just to make you smile

Just a load of jokes, to make you smile, laugh, cringe, or go tut.

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

+

How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

+

What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have
left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

+

How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you
lose your house.

+

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

+

What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?
Odor eaters.

+

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Snowballs.

+

Why do women have vaginas?
So men will talk to them.

+

Why do only 30% of men get into Heaven?
If it were more, it would be Hell.

+

Why don't women have any brains?
Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

+

What is the difference between a geneologist and a gynecologist?
A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush.

+

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
So he could run his fingers through his hair.

+

Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman.
A microwave doesn't scream when you put a piece of meat in it.

+

What do elephants use for tampons?
Sheep.

+

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.

+

Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future, either.

+

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.

+

What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy twat.

+

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.

+

Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

+

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.

+

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries

+

What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.

+

How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass?
Very satisfying.

+

What do cow pats and cowgirls have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

+

How can you tell a Sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

+

What's six inches long that women love?
Folding money.

+

What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

+

How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid?
When you open her legs the lights go on.

+

When does a cub become a boy scout?
When he eats his first Brownie.

+

Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?
He was half nuts!!!

+

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.

+

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

+

------------------------

I think I know what they all mean !!!!

Leopold

I'm still here - but spaced out !

At last I get time at the computer to update my blog. Its been busy to say the least, some days I have only got 3 walks !.

And for the last few days we have been having 24 degs, so life at the cafe or bar would have been the first choice. (that was 5 days ago when I started this update - since we have had 2 days of cloud and rain and wind and even a day when mist came rolling in off the sea, and we could not see clearly all day. Now we are back to eating outside in 20+ deg at lunch [Wednesday], and I have just come back from the port and my cream dish..slurp !!)

I know its been a couple of weeks since I have been talking to you, but I have been keeping notes, so you miss nothing, and I have even more jokes stored for adding to the blog, to give you a smile during the "credit crunch" time.

So in reverse order (or NO order) what life is like in the Costa Colida. I am in heaven, each day I try new positions to stretch and each time in a new place. I have a new home, and there are 3 bedrooms, so I get one of my own, then there's the lounge, the terrace balcony, and if I get bored there's the huge roof solarium to spread out on. All the floors are tiled so me and my bits get the cooling effect, oh Priscilla you cannot offer the space I long for........ that's why your in the storage compound, while we enjoy SPACE, (and I hate to tell you, you are up for sale, on-line as I chat, the end of an era, the end of 15,000 km of fun, knowledge, new friends, laughs, tears, deep breaths, interesting places that many people never get round to seeing.

A panoramic shot taken from our lounge balcony



But for now we are in our new home (nearly dads say !!!!!!) in Mojon Hills Resort. With spectacular views of about 20 km of sea and coastline, and I can see all my doggy mates walking from my balcony, how cool is that. Dad has taken a few pics to show you where we are.

We are the second turret from left.



Down sides, there are a few. I have been left a couple of times while they have been in a BIG white van to IKEA, 8 trolley loads of things that took a couple of days with my mates Pat & Dave from the camp site to unpack and construct.......I did have my paws over my ears a couple of times, seems the instruction leaflets are not always clear !!!!! Actually as I remember its been three trips to Mercia for Ikea, not that I have ever seen the shop !

View from our favourite bar in the village.



I do have a new limousine though. Dads had to rent the car for another month, so decided to see if they had something to help with carrying stuff. They now have a "Popemobile", I jest not. It even has a space like a kennel at the back, ( I keep well clear). Its something like a Renault Kangoo in blood red, but I must admit there is far more room for me on the back seat. More window, but I am not going to wear a mitre on my head while being chauffeured (I have some standards).

The top floor Solarium, yet to be furnished.


The pool we share with the others in our small block



David and Alan were busy putting up 14 light fittings and getting all the kitchen equipment wired and plumbed up. One little problem, when Alan switched on the new oven the whole apartment went dark...... but after a few words I just understand, he got the wires correct in a European socket, and all was well. He also made another boob, when he went shopping he bought 6 eggs for the weekend breakfast. When he got home Guy said they looked a funny colour, and read the label - he had bought 6 hard boiled eggs, so no runny yolks for breakfast then......

Time to sit down after all the works done, a bit of comfort !.



I did not get off lightly during our move. On the day Priscilla was transferred to the compound, and we cleared our pitch, they got the last use out of our private loo/shower......ME.....I had to endure a full shampoo AND condition. I was in there for ages, but I did manage to wet EVERYBODY when I got out and had a good shake..... funny how I always get the last laugh..

A special trip was made into town, for "top range" audio equipment (so why they went to the Chino Bazaar was strange !) They need a radio to listen to Costa Calida Radio, so got the top model available !! €9, a dazzling stainless steel number !! its about the size of my paw, but when the plugged it into the new telly its sounds like one of their expensive ones back home....Credit crunch radio....

They have has so many visits to the bank, I've lost count, but on there last visit they came out smiling. Apparently the Managers office had an ancient typewriter (what ever that is) in the corner of his office. The Spanish Agent who was with dads said it was a top of the range Spanish Computer !!! No wonder its takes a long time for things to get done !!

Because we have been so busy, I did miss going out for dinner one night. My special restaurant La Cala, held a charity dinner, which I was invited too, but it was the big day at Ikea, so the poor things were knac***d, so we stayed at home, I don't think they were too bothered as it was with an entertainer, with dancing.....now even I cannot see them doing that !!!!

To keep things in harmony, now I don't have a "little red car", I do have a "little red cupboard". The new furniture has a red cupboard which is mine, all my food, and treats, in one place where I can keep an eye on. I like my little red cupboard.

Its also so nice when I am out being chauffeured. Everywhere is in flower, the landscape is covered in yellow daisy, red poppy and purple flowers, and they have been saying they must try to get to the Sierra Espuna National park, which is famous for its miles of Almond blossom during this month. As soon its the big festival - Mardi Gras, everywhere in Spain has a big event. I am not sure what its all about but if we are still here I guess I will find out, dads said it will be VERY busy, but I guess what they mean is a lot of may fan club will be visiting.......


At this end of this long post, I will leave you with a smile ( more jokes tomorrow) I know some of you will have heard this but it is funny.

--------------
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.

Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.

After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a football.'

Man - 'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'

Boy - '£250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - 'Dark in here.'

Man - 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have football boots.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'Ok how much this time ?'

Boy - '£350'

Man - 'Sold.'

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'

The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'

Boy - 'To a friend of mine for a £600.'

The father says, 'That's a terrible thing overcharging your friend like that 'That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sin.'

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here'.

The priest says, 'Don't start that sh* t again you little pr*ck, you're in my f........ cupboard now'!!

We're rockin !

The weather has returned ! That is the blue sky and sun, and the forecast is for 20 deg beginning by Monday, so we are all happy. We do get a bit of breeze at some bits of the day, but we are outside a lot again.

The only down bit is a lot of my mates have left, so some days I don't get to sniff any mates on the beach or on my walks, but I do get to town most days. That's my fix, cream and biscuits, while my humans take in the caffeine or alcohol, or both !

There has been a lot strange things going on lately, dads have been going into shops I don't get to go in. One of the shops has an illuminated sign saying "Real State". and I must admit they have been. All I have heard is "only in Spain" "one more rubber stamp and I'll murder" "they must be joking". Then yesterday I went with them, and I thought it was to the bar in Isla Plana. But we ended up at the back of the village, at the foot of the mountains. When we get out of my little red car, we are at a new empty house, and it had lots of cool tiled floor for me to spread all my bits on to, its was great. So I am not sure what's happening, but I get the feeling Priscilla's on her way out, and we may not be suffering a UK winter again, all will be revealed no doubt !

So I said I was putting a few "smiles" together, and here are the first, which were sent to me by Val in London, not sure where she finds the time to send me e.mails, with all the auditions she is doing at the moment !!!

******************

How fights get started…

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... **************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' And she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office! She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too' And then the fight started..... **************** Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And that's how the fight started .. **************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started..... **************** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started..... **************** I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And then the fight started..... **************** A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.' And then the fight started..... And finally A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!" Leopold

Its a week catch up

I've been so busy, I have been remiss in not keeping you informed of my life with dads in Spain.

Now busy has a different meaning here, busy seems to mean doing something in 3-5 days which could be completed before my second walk on day one !! So I've taken up (you have no option ) manana.

I have taken to heart a matter brought to my attention, incorrect spelling ! So I have been editing, and doing the corrections, sorry Colin and El Muelle and others, but I am dog not a typist !

Since my last posting we have seen the passing of "Three Kings Day" which is the main Spanish Christmas ( the kids get their gifts on the eve of 5 Jan and all the family open them on the 6th) We walked into the Port, and there were lots of Spanish walking in families along the sea front.

It was a nice sunny day, which is a bit of a rare thing just now. Its been such unusual weather, that I think the locals think the end of the world is nigh. The worst for over 15 years (just because we are here I think !), the odd sunny day, otherwise lots of clouds, and yesterday and particularly last night, monsoons. So much rain and wind, when Alan got my lead for my late night walk, I just hid and would not move. I think he has recovered from the surprise of me not wanting a walk, but I knew there would be wind up my rear, and you know how I hate that.

Our neighbours Clive, Rachael and Jake my mate, have left. And today I got an email about the journey back to France. 3 hours stuck in an 18 km stationary jam in deep snow. A lorry had jacknifed (what ever that means !) So it was a longgggggggggg journey home for Clive. He is planning to return soon, so maybe the European weather may have eased by then.

Before they left it was decided they would have and "English" night in Spain. They went with Clive and Rachael to town and had Cod, Chips and Mushy peas (you can guess me and Jake were left to our own devices), they said it had been a good food, and made a nice change after 3 months away from the UK.

Dad was looking at Spanish News today, and he says Madrid Airport was closed for over 5 hours, and the whole country is cold, snowy, frosty and windy. So being in 8 - 15 deg here is more than we can hope for. Our friend Val sent us some pictures of the snow in the South of France, I have got the humans to add a few to my blog.







Today (Sunday) cleared up nicely, so I got a good walk into town, and later dads returned (on their own - again !) to have lunch. Me missing out may have been my fault. We ate lunch out on Three Kings Day, and while we ate, a nice young black Spanish Labrador girl passed by. It was my luck her human decided to eat at the next restaurant. She was tied to the post next to them, and was playing with another local dog. I got a bit excited, watching, and forgot myself and started to howl and sing at her, when I was told I could see everyone was looking at me, so I was in the DOG HOUSE as humans like to say ! On leaving I did catch up with her but I was still excited so she looked terrified and cowered away - maybe next time !






Talking of departures, my new mate Colin (Julies friend) has returned to the UK, so he will be a Brass Monkey by now. Hi Colin (see spelt right), everything under control here at El Muelle (can spell this too), hope your journey home was OK. On our way back, a couple walking along the promenade, stopped and talked to me, to our surprise they were Italians, so Guy was in his element chatting to them in Italian, they can from between Milan and Como, so an area known to him. They had a Newfoundland, so even bigger than me, but he was at home.

That's it for now, nearly up to date, were just all feel better in being able to get out and about again, we get a bit stir crazy when the 3 of us are stuck inside the one room Priscilla.......

Am collecting some more jokes for future updates, so smiles on they way soon.

Leopold

More pictures of the fun weekend

I hope they enjoyed their lunch with out me !

Picture taken from Val's Hotel balcony

This the bay with the "naturist" beach, so we just got the pic before being made to disrobe !

Our mate Val, posing in the sun on Bahia Beach

The start of my walk along the paseo, I do it most days

Don't they make a nice picture, or is it the bay behind them that's just perfect ?

Manana & Madness

Well welcome to a "grey" blog update.

Grey sky's for nearly 10 days, and its getting us all down. It might still be about 16-18 deg during the day, but it's grey, which means we spend more time inside. Inside a SMALL room, and its can get a bit stir crazy, now we have been in Priscilla for 3 months. Then tonight the rain has started, so my walk is on hold, more time inside.

So to do things outside, dads have been doing all sorts of things, and not all have been a success, especially when I have been left out ( now there's a surprise !). In a mad moment, they decided to "pop" to Murcia, just up the road (apparently 50 mins) and as if they had "lost it" went to Ikea........

Sunday Lunch in the sun (without me !)

Now had I been involved in the decision I would have pointed although it was Friday and not a weekend, it was a HOLIDAY, schools out, offices closed between the festive days. No - they do it anyway, and it was Helllllllllllll. They came back and said it was the worst IKEA experience in there lives, made worse by mad Spanish roads around the commercial area of Murcia. Gardia with whistles blowing their lungs out at drivers who took no notice. Needless to say no purchase was made.

Now theres my plate of whipped cream, such nice service from my mate Julie at El Muelle.

Today they decided to have lunch out at La Cala, but again I was to be left at home. So it went wrong (how I smile). I got a walk along the promenade, around the marina and back, under they grey skies. They get me home, and they returned to town. It's Spain, so the restaurant did not open, not sure why, maybe its the Christmas/new year/ three kings extended holiday, whatever they lost it so could not be bothered to find another place to eat, came back a fired up the barbi and had some BIG steaks,(so it turned out OK for me - cus they had to share it to make penance for leaving me !)

At least its a friend giving me a cuddle, instead of all the strangers who stop me in the street

They have been to other shops and they have been closed with no apparent logic or alerted closing times shown, so the manana lost its smile factor.

More cuddles in the sun

Our neighbours went to Cartagena today, and returned saying it was manic. The local government has allowed the sales to start 5 days earlier that normal. Apparently shops cannot have a sale till after "Three Kings" (6 jan), dads were saying that would end the DFS sales in the UK !. They could hardly get into the huge car park, the queues were impossible, the things they went for were sold out, and McDonalds was bursting at the door.

This is my French mate Djone, he is just 3.5 months old

I think he may have the same paw size as me. and maybe the same devil streak !


The forecast is for some sun, and we are all getting desperate !!

We have been filling some of the grey days, going through the pictures my friend Val from London took wile she was visiting (and some pictures of my puppy mate in the South of France - Djone.

Julie gets a "Nobel Prize"

Well its been a bit grey for a couple of days, warm but grey. Its quiet on site, and also in town - so many people have gone home for the holiday (must be mad), but we are still having fun.

It's been a shopping period (not so much of a problem being in a shop when the sun is not shining, they keep saying (any excuse)! So we are fully stocked, and ready for the next war!

The sun returned today (Tuesday) so we went along the promenade to guess where ? El Muelle, Julie was there, but Ellie has returned home for a month. Julie's mate Colin was there, and we were telling them I had been accosted by a large Spanish family, who all wanted to be in a photo with me, (yawn), Guy had to say a bit of Spanish to tell them who I was and my CV.

It was while we were chatting that it was let out that Julie was getting an award. Apparently she has invented a new substance that is totally indestructible. They are still working out how it will effect the world, but tyre manufactures are worried it may put them out of business. Tyres made from Julies invention would last for EVER.

And all this was by an accident. She had begged Colin to bring a Christmas Pudding in his luggage, as she had a craving for a pud. On the day she read the instructions, and fired up the microwave. BUT then the surprise invention, the pudding was removed, and when they tried to stick a sharp kitchen knife into it, it bounced off. Also the inside of the oven was streaked brown, and every thing they have cooked after smelled of Christmas Pud (bad cus it reminds her of the tasty loss ). I am sure Kyle and Colin will forgive you soon. It must have been a malfunction in the Microwave, I'm sure an engineer could help !!

Colin telling me the story of Julies Pud

Consolation in the end - she had a €5 eye bath pud !

To end this blog update a few more smiles;

Paddy calls EasyJet to book a flight. The operator asks "how many people are flying with you ?" Paddy replies How the hell should I know, It's your plane !!

Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says " I wonder how the girls are getting on "

A man went to the doctors and told him that he thinks he is developing a hearing problem. Patient Doctor I think I am loosing my hearing" Doctor "Describe the symptoms?"
Patient Well Marg is short with purple hair, and Homer is bald and likes beer"!!

On a beautiful summers day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.
At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgagerchwyrndrabwyllllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress
Before we order, I wonder if you would settle an argument for us please. Can you pronounce where we are very, very, very slowly ?"
The girl leaned over and said
"Burrr-Gurr-King"

and finally

I had a wad of English pounds I needed to exchange, so went to the bank.
Just one lady in front of me... An Asian lady who was trying to exchange Yen for Euros and she was getting a little irritated....
She asked the teller "Why it change ?? Yesterday I get two hunat Euro of Yen. Today I get hunat eighty ?? Why change ??
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said "Fluctuations"
The Asian lady says " Fluc you white people too"!!!

Don't have nightmares sleep sound !

Leopold

Well that was Christams !

Guy and me can now breath a sigh of relief, we don't have to think before the C word is spoken in conversation - at least for another year !. Alan survived it, and said it was great not be caught up in the commercial mayhem back home. He did do a traditional festive (nearly !) lunch - turkey with all the trimmings including Brussels sprouts (yes he found some in Spain !) even baked his own bread, followed by the smallest Christmas pudding in the world. They said it was the size of an eye bath and cost €5 (scrooge !). The English butchers had long queues for days, so they expected to be there for ages when they collected their order, but they were the only ones there, so were home in 20 mins.

No comment !

BUT we all sat outside in brilliant sunshine, we had an invite to join some of the other "campers" in the site bar, to eat then play a quiz. But they started at 1pm, we eat later (thank heavens), but it was nice to be invited.

The "Campers" lunch table (2 bottles !!!!)

It was also great when we went for after lunch exercise along the beach. There were a few campervans and cars on the beach, and families with lots of tables and chairs eating the C* festive food (nearly again) everyone having fun in the bright sunshine with the sparkling sea lapping the shore. (always thought of being a poet). It was a great day, we were well stuffed and guess what? they were a little stewed, now I know that may come a shock to some of you......

Can I just say you appear not to have laid a place for me!

We had popped down to the marina while the turkey cooked, I was nearly mobbed at my favourite cafe El Muelle, every one wanted to talk to me and stroke me, again........ I did get a nice cuddle from the very nice Port Policeman, and I licked his legs, I was getting envious looks from others in the cafe....... Julie said my mate Jake from next door on campsite had been down and told her he knew me, so he got some Spanish ham as a treat (no problem I don't like ham) It was great walk with all the bars and restaurants open on 25 dec, and people sitting out at them.

I'll just sit on your lap then, hold tight !

We also have been back to the restaurant La Cala, dads had been given a card to get free wine with their lunch (you see where were going ?) so they were even happier after a nice lunch ( I had nearly a whole garlic cheese bread ) when they paid they got another card for more free wine next time - so they will be going back.

So next its new year ( and we are still here - like winning the lottery !)

Pictures from America

Well its almost the 25th and Alan, the head of bah humbug, has turned off the radio, due to the "seasonal" content (we cannot say the word Christmas in case he breaks out in a rash !"), so we have been having lunch outside Priscilla to the sound of the maintenance dept using a pneumatic drill to dig up a drain, cannot wait for my afternoon walk.

I thought I would show you the pictures I received from my American cousin "Tucker", who, as you can see is enjoying the bad weather they are having over in the USA. Now if the snow in the UK was like that, crisp and clean, and deep I may enjoy it. As UK snow is usually wet, slushy and dirty, I think I will stick with the SUN.......






We have cloud this morning, but everyone is hoping that its sunny tomorrow to have Christmas (there I have said it again !) lunch outside. Some of the humans on site say they will have a dip in the sea before lunch (think they have been in the sun too long !!) dads said there was as much chance of them doing that as being hit by an iceberg while out walking this afternoon ! (and I wont cus I don't do water !)

I am still waiting for some pictures taken by Val when see visited, to put on here. However I am told she's away again in the South of France so I will have to wait (usual then !).

This will probably be the last posting before the festive day (wont go for the third time !!) as I imagine their dexterity may be impaired tomorrow, with "festive Spirit" (that's the same as they usually drink but larger portions) so getting the PC open and connected for me to update you will be just a no hoper !!

So to all our friends everywhere

Happy holidays
Feliz Navidad
Bon Noel

My best French friend joins me

Well what a surprise, I went out in the little red car yesterday, and I dosed on my seat. All of a sudden the door opened and someone joined me on my seat. What are we a taxi now ?. I looked and could not believe it. It was Val from London, my big mate, and she was here, I think I might have gone a bit mad, almost ripping her shirt off ! I was so excited.

Alan + Val at El Mulle, in the sun before we had lunch at La Cala (Dads were woundering why we were in front of advert for "Virgin of the Sea" ?)


Now we have been out yesterday and today, and it so hot, Val was amazed, and said she had brought the wrong wardrobe (what ever that is !). We are all knackered, after being out all day, breakfast, lunch, afternoon aperitif, and soon dinner.

Val is my mate and I want to sit with her, move over !!


So I will just put a couple of pics on the blog so you can see what we were doing, and I will tell more when we have recuperated.

I mean it !!


Right Val here I come !